Back-to-school success is about more than backpacks, homework, and academics. Children also need to feel like they belong.
For Week 3 of our Back-to-School Tip Tuesday series, Todos Juntos is focusing on Ready to Connect—helping children strengthen friendships, work through school worries, and know they have a safe place to talk at home.
Strong relationships are an important part of creating supportive learning environments. Oregon's High-Dosage Tutoring criteria also recognize the importance of building rapport and relationships with students and creating safe environments that encourage positive social interaction, active engagement, and self-motivation.
The good news for families? Building those connections doesn't require another item on your to-do list.
It can start with a conversation.
Friendship Skills Take Practice
Making friends may seem natural, but many of the skills that help children develop healthy friendships are learned through practice.
Taking turns, joining a group, listening, sharing, handling disagreements, and speaking kindly are all skills children continue developing as they grow.
Families can help by practicing simple things at home:
Take turns during games and conversations.
Encourage children to include others.
Practice using kind words.
Talk about what makes someone a good friend.
Practice saying “please,” “thank you,” and “Can I play too?”
Help children think through disagreements instead of immediately solving the problem for them.
You can also use everyday situations as conversation starters.
If a character in a book is left out, ask, “How do you think they felt?”
If siblings disagree, ask, “What could we do differently next time?”
If your child tells you about something that happened at school, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Sometimes asking, “What do you think you could try tomorrow?” gives children the opportunity to practice problem-solving and confidence.
When School Worries Show Up
A new school year can bring plenty of excitement, but it can also bring worries.
A different teacher. A new classroom. Finding someone to sit with at lunch. Riding the bus. Keeping up with schoolwork. Being away from home.
For adults, some of these concerns may seem small. For a child, they can feel very big.
One of the most helpful things families can do is create space for children to talk about what they're feeling.
Try asking:
“What's one thing that felt good today?”
“Was anything hard today?”
“Is there anything you're worried about tomorrow?”
Then listen.
You don't always need to have the perfect answer. Sometimes children simply need to know that what they're feeling matters.
Developmentally appropriate educational practices recognize children's physical, cognitive, social, and emotional well-being as part of helping them reach their full potential.
Focus on What They Can Control
When children are worried about something at school, help them separate what they can control from what they can't.
They can't control who will be in their class.
But they can practice introducing themselves.
They can't control everything another child says or does.
But they can choose kind words, ask an adult for help, or walk away from an uncomfortable situation.
They can't guarantee that everything will go perfectly tomorrow.
But they can pack their backpack, get a good night's sleep, and know who they can talk to if they need support.
Turning a big worry into one small next step can make a situation feel much more manageable.
Create Space for Family Communication
Family communication doesn't have to mean scheduling a formal family meeting every night.
Some of the best conversations happen naturally—in the car, while making dinner, feeding animals, doing chores, or getting ready for bed.
Todos Juntos' Rural Clackamas County parent engagement strategy intentionally emphasizes strategies that fit into real family life and respect parents as their child's first teacher.
One simple habit is to share a high and low of the day.
Ask everyone:
What was the best part of your day?
What was the hardest part?
Parents and caregivers can answer too.
When adults participate, children learn that talking about both good and difficult experiences is normal.
Ask Questions That Invite More Than “Fine”
We've all had this conversation:
“How was school?”
“Fine.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
Instead, try questions that give children something specific to talk about:
What made you laugh today?
Who did you spend time with?
What was the easiest part of your day?
What was the hardest part?
Did anyone do something kind today?
What's something new you learned?
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?
You may not get a long answer every time—and that's okay.
The goal is to keep the door open.
Let Them Know You're Listening
When your child does open up, give them your attention when you can.
Listen without interrupting. Ask questions before offering advice. Acknowledge what they're telling you.
You might say:
“That sounds like it was really frustrating.”
“I can understand why you were nervous.”
“Thanks for telling me.”
Then ask:
“Do you want me to help you think of a solution, or do you just want me to listen?”
That one question can be especially powerful because sometimes children want help—and sometimes they simply want to be heard.
Connection Supports Learning
Relationships and learning aren't separate.
Children are better positioned to participate, take healthy risks, ask for help, and engage in learning when they have supportive relationships around them.
That's why relationship-building is also reflected in Todos Juntos' educational approach and in the practices guiding our programs. Our work is designed to support students through meaningful, engaging learning experiences while recognizing that children bring their individual strengths and needs into those experiences.
Families are an essential part of that support system.
You Don't Need a Perfect Conversation
There will be days when your child doesn't want to talk.
There will be friendship problems you can't immediately solve.
There will be worries that don't disappear after one conversation.
Connection isn't about saying exactly the right thing every time.
It's about continuing to show up.
Listen. Ask questions. Laugh together. Make time for one another. Celebrate the good days and make room for the hard ones.
Those small moments send an important message:
You are seen. You are heard. You are loved.
This Week's Family Challenge
Choose one simple way to intentionally connect this week.
Try sharing highs and lows at dinner, taking a short walk together, playing a game, reading together before bed, or asking one new question about your child's school day.
It doesn't need to take an hour.
Start with five minutes of undivided attention and see where the conversation goes.
At Todos Juntos, we're here to support children and families throughout Rural Clackamas County as they learn, grow, and build strong connections at school, at home, and in their communities.
What's one way your family stays connected? Share your favorite tradition, question, or routine with us on social media—you might inspire another family to try it too.
Strong connections today can help build a brighter tomorrow.
