Think back to an adult who made you feel like you mattered when you were growing up.
Maybe it was a teacher who noticed when you were having a hard day. A coach who kept encouraging you. A grandparent who always made time to listen. Or a neighbor who remembered your name and asked how you were doing.
Often, the people we remember most didn’t do one big, extraordinary thing. They showed up, paid attention, and made us feel like we weren’t facing everything alone.
Young people need those relationships, especially when life feels uncertain. A new school year, changing friendships, family stress, or simply figuring out who they are can bring challenges that adults don’t always see.
Being a caring adult doesn’t mean you have to have the perfect answer. It means being someone a young person knows they can come back to—on the good days and the hard ones.
Connection doesn’t have to be complicated
When we think about supporting young people, it’s easy to imagine big conversations or planned activities. Those can be meaningful, but connection often happens during ordinary moments.
It might look like:
Asking about the song they’re listening to while you’re driving.
Sitting together for a snack after school.
Remembering that they had a test or a game and asking how it went.
Inviting them to help make dinner.
Noticing when they seem quieter than usual.
Saying hello and letting them know you’re glad to see them.
These moments might only take a few minutes, but they communicate something important: I see you, and I care about what’s happening in your life.
You don’t need to force a conversation every time. Sometimes simply being together—working on a project, walking the dog, or running errands—makes it easier for a young person to talk when they’re ready.
Go beyond “How was your day?”
If you’ve ever asked a child or teenager how their day was and received “fine” in return, you’re not alone.
A broad question can be hard to answer, especially when a young person is tired, overwhelmed, or still thinking through the day. Try asking something a little more specific:
“Who did you spend time with today?”
“What was something that made you laugh?”
“Was there anything frustrating about today?”
“What are you looking forward to this week?”
“What’s something you wish had gone differently?”
You don’t need to ask all of these at once. Pick one, listen, and let the conversation unfold naturally. If they don’t feel like talking, try again another time without making them feel pressured.
Listen before jumping into problem-solving
When someone we love is hurting, our first instinct is often to fix the problem. We might want to call the school, offer advice, or explain why everything will be okay.
Sometimes that help is needed. But before jumping in, give your child a chance to feel heard.
For example, if they say, “Nobody wanted me in their group,” you might be tempted to respond, “I’m sure that’s not true,” or “Just ask someone else tomorrow.”
Instead, try:
“That sounds really hurtful. Do you want to tell me more about what happened?”
Or:
“I’m glad you told me. Do you want me to listen, or would you like help figuring out what to do?”
That question gives them a little control over the conversation. It also helps you understand what they need from you in that moment.
Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree with every choice your child makes. It means you’re making room to understand their experience before deciding how to respond.
Notice changes without making assumptions
Sometimes a young person will tell you directly that something is wrong. Other times, you might notice a change first: they’re quieter than usual, seem more irritable, don’t want to attend an activity they once enjoyed, or are having a hard time sleeping.
A change doesn’t automatically tell you what’s going on. Rather than guessing or accusing, lead with what you’ve noticed and an invitation to talk.
Try:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I care about you and wanted to check in. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
If they say no, you can respond:
“Okay. You don’t have to talk right now. I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
Keep checking in gently. If you’re concerned about their safety or the changes continue, reach out to a trusted professional, such as their pediatrician or school counselor, for support.
Help young people build a circle of support
Parents and caregivers are important, but no one person has to be everything for a child. It’s healthy for young people to have several trusted adults they can turn to.
Together, think about people in their life who are good listeners and make them feel comfortable. That might be a relative, teacher, coach, school counselor, family friend, or program staff member.
You might ask:
“If you needed help and I wasn’t available, who would you feel comfortable talking to?”
Help them identify more than one person and talk about how they could reach out. Let them know it’s okay to ask another trusted adult for help—even if they’re nervous about telling you something.
When you don’t get it right
Every adult gets frustrated, distracted, or says the wrong thing sometimes. What matters is what happens next.
If you react in a way you wish you hadn’t, you can come back to the conversation:
“I’m sorry I interrupted you earlier. I was worried, but I should have listened first. Can we try that conversation again?”
An apology doesn’t take away your role as the adult. It shows a young person that relationships can be repaired and that their feelings deserve respect.
A small step to try this week
Choose one young person in your life and make a little space for connection. Ask about something they care about, follow up on a story they shared, or spend a few minutes together without distractions.
You don’t have to change their whole day. Start by letting them know they matter.
At Todos Juntos, we believe every young person deserves caring adults and a community where they feel seen, supported, and connected.
